Discussion Board

Seize The Moment and Live

Mike Cotton — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 00:18:41 GMT

Six years ago my brother rang me from his home in Sao Paulo, Brazil to say Goodbye. He had had a lung removed with cancer but because he had been a heavy smoker all his life his remaining lung was not good enough and he was failing. Patrick was a person with a keen mind and wit, an incredible musician and who all through our lives had left me feeling inferior and the least important in our family - even though I was now in my late 60's and retired I still felt that way.

I got off the phone and Lynne and I talked and she said ''You should go to Brazil.'' I was stunned and of course said the usual ''But we can't afford it dear!'' My lovely wife pointed out we could get a bank loan for the $4000 needed so off I trotted. On the way to the bank I met our insurance rep. and was telling him our plans to which he pointed out that Lynne's life insurance was going to mature in a year and why didn't we just borrow against that - the small amount of interest it would accrue before maturity was minor.

So we did just that and 3 days later I flew to Brazil. Arriving there I found Patrick in intensive care and on oxygen gasping for air and although he wasn't intensely religious he asked if I would annoint him and give him a final blessing which with many tears I did. That was at 1.00 am in the morning. We (Tina my sister in law) left believing that we had just said our last Goodbyes. The next morning we rang to see how things were and to our astonishment were told he was back in his room much improved!!

When we got back to the hospital (all private hospitals there) he was sitting up in bed still with his oxygen mask and 3 drips in his arms but very cheeky and he asked if I would stay with him so a bed was put up right next to him and apart from going out for meals the next four days were spent talking about our boyhood in England, laughing about exploits and generally sharing our lives, most of which had been spent thousands of miles apart. Much of the night time was sleepless for me as his oxygen mask would fall off if he fell asleep and the alarm would go off and I'd have to readjust his mask. In all his pain and discomfort all I ever got was a smile and a silent Thanks. Four days after arriving he died very peacefully and content.

In those 4 days we came to know each other in a way I would never have dreamed possible. My feelings of inferiority and inadequency were blown out of the window by everything he shared with me. We were two very different personalities but we found that neither of us was any better or worse than the other. Those four days were perhaps the most rewarding and settling in my whole life and I would never have known how much we loved each other if Lynne had not said ''You should go to Brazil''. No we couldn't really afford it looking at things coldly and factually and without her pushing I would never have had the joy of those four incredible days.

Before Patrick died he gave me his two guitars - a 1969 Gibson S.J. Country he had bought in Nashville, and a Brazilian Del Vecchio classical Tina had given him in 1975 for a wedding present. My nephew has the Gibson and I still play the Del Vecchio and think of Patrick every time I pick it up.

While it may not always be prudent to do the foolish thing it is often the most rewarding.

Don't often go around quoting the Bible to people but 1 Corinthians 3: 18/19 say a lot -- ''If anyone thinks he is wise by the standards of this age he should become a fool so that he may become wise. For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God's sight.''

Help With Team Time Challenges

Maree Crosbie — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 00:14:17 GMT

Our head office is an hour's drive from our location and we are often asked to attend meetings and it can use up the whole day, so last week I said I would attend the meeting on a phone link up and it worked really well and saved me a lot of travelling time.

Celebrating Unlikely Heroes

John Brandon — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 23:13:48 GMT

Hi Robyn, thanks for your Ezine # 119 - There's Just Too Much To Do - A Cautionary Tale! with your lead article about one of your little life lessons and the info about Susan Boyle. I have seen this one, wonderful it is too. Google Stavros Flatley on the same show, a wonderful take off of the legendary Michael Flatley of Irish Dancing and tap fame.

Rules for Outlook Express

Emily Wotton — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 22:50:39 GMT

I had a computer crash late last year and although my rules were salvaged, I have to go back in and turn them all on again. Did you have that happen or did you completely start over? Is there a faster way to turn them all on?

Ive been enjoying using rules since I first read about it on your website perfect timing too because I was contemplating using categories and was trying to weigh the pros and cons of the differences. Only frustration so far was when I need to update or check a rule and could not figure out a way to sort them so that I didnt have to manually scroll through searching for the rule. Have you discovered anything thats helpful with this situation?

Making housework (almost) invisible

Tory Benson — Fri, 22 May 2009 23:53:21 GMT

I have found that having things labelled actually saves time in the future, as others in the household can see at a glance where things belong and therefore don't need to ask me where it goes and are more likely to put it away themselves.

Having a clearly labelled pantry also assists in both cooking and shopping, as others can locate ingredients quickly and it easy to see what needs to be purchased next shop.

I now realise the wisdom of Mum's saying, "A place for everything and everything in its place".

Folding and putting away washing as soon as it is taken off the line, avoids having a huge pile to sort through at a later date, and avoids the cries of "I don't have any socks etc"

Take time to connect with parents at your child's childcare/school

Anne Buckley — Thur, 21 May 2009 23:21:09 GMT

Take time to connect with parents at your child's childcare/school

Not only does this add some companionship to your busy day and the potential for some great long-term friendships, it also is the first step to saving you time. Some egs from my experience in terms of time savings- covering each other for a pick-up when a last minute meeting is scheduled or similar; sharing transport demands in relation to sporting and other activities; playdates - leaving you child-free (well, that child anyway). And so on and so on....

Those darned interruptions

Sheryn Shadbolt — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 02:16:01 GMT

Some staff wont take responsibility because they have been discouraged from making decisions by their seniors.

In the past they may have made decisions or suggestions & these would have been over ridden by a senior member.

The staff therefore learn to not bother as my ideas will be wiped out

Seen that in a few companies as the loudest most dominant person took control.

So sometimes Management may need to look at their own behaviour.

Quefile Recommendation

Gail van Veen — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 01:17:14 GMT

The Quefile is awesome... its so good to be able to see my files instantly, grab the one I need, deal with it, place it back and get the next one.

I purchased one for my boss as well, she loves it. I have to admit its a very clever little gadget. I did do a bit of hunting around before buying it, but all the others were not sloped, but flat, hence you are unable to see the file names.

Getting Ready First

April Guise — Thur, 04 Sep 2008 03:19:15 GMT

Originally posted on 2002/09/06

I have actually started getting ready first because I used to think I had plenty of time and suddenly it was gone. It is the same as getting up in the morning and staying in your pyjamas. It is so hard to get dressed after breckkie. Now I get up and get dressed for the day and make the bed before leaving my bedroom. I actually enjoy breakfast more becuase I am not constantly thinking that I should get dressed!! Look forward to your next tip.

Increasing Effectiveness

Peter Ranyard — Thur, 04 Sep 2008 03:15:59 GMT

Originally posted 2003/02/14

Great ideas from Martin to increase effectiveness. Adding to the estimating how much time each task would take I spent some time calculating my 'interruption time' over a series of days over a varied array of tasks and then calculated a %'age overall. In my case with drop ins, phone calls, e-mails requiring urgent attention, lunch and four coffees!!! my interuption time was 50%. Therefore this became my factor to add on to the time I had allocated to each task... for instance correspondence 1 hour + 50% = 1.5 hours. If there were no interputions I simply went onto the next task but if there were I could still make effective use of my time over the whole day... usually 4-5 tasks. Regards Pete

Creative Shared Parenting

Jenni Murphy-Scanlon — Thur, 04 Sep 2008 03:12:48 GMT

Originally posted on 2005/05/08

Hi Robyn.

I'm sure the women in the story could have explored shared parenting, although often the socialisation into parental roles of traditional Mum and Dad activities are very strong. Even the attitude that as women, we can take "time out" to care for children and reconsider our career is interesting. It means that fathers are then under even more pressure to keep earning and progressing up the career ladder, and probably therefore spend less time with their family. It reinforces a model that actually doesn't work for anyone (why do men die younger than women, why are women so much poorer than men, etc?)

Of course, this could be debated for hours. It's very interesting though. How we live, role models for our children, roles and ways to live. And so it goes on.

You asked about the kind of positions my husband and I have. I am a Senior HR Advisor with Inland Revenue. My husband is a counsellor in private practice.

But I must go to a meeting!! All the best.

Regards Jenni

Avoiding Work at Home Rip-offs

Liz Holsted — Thur, 04 Sep 2008 03:09:48 GMT

Originally posted on 2005/05/12

I have worked from home for 10 years now. I have also had up to 4 staff working there with me. I make very sure that I check credentials - talk to people who have used the company or the potential staff member. Check references, ask questions and look for what is not being said, as much as what is!! I have built up long working relationships with my suppliers, and I treat them well. I acknowledge good service, I give them loyalty and praise, and I pay them on time!

Manage Your Desk or It Will Manage You

Heidi S. Whitaker — Thur, 04 Sep 2008 02:33:35 GMT

I recently read your article on the Rotary e-Club, "Manage Your Desk or It Will 'Manage' You." This item was most pertinent to me at this time because I had recently hit a frustration point with my own desk. I am a "young" attorney in that I have been practicing for just about two years, although I am in my 40's. Second careers can be grand.

My desk was a helter-skelter mess of stacks and papers scattered across it. As an accountant and IT program manager, I had always had stacks on my desk and been able to keep up with my work load. As an attorney, many of the stacks were not placed on my desk by me. In addition, my legal secretary kept coming in and trying to hand me new items (fresh off the fax, mail, etc.). I felt like I could not complete anything, and like Tom in your article, my deadlines seemed to rule me.

I cleaned off my desk. Purchased a bin that I labelled "In Box - ALL items." I did concede to making a separate bin for items requiring signature as those might be a tighter time frame. The I labelled a similar bin "Active Items To Do." It was key that I needed to state active items so things would not sit in that bin for ages. The In Box and Signature Box are on the side of my desk where the secretary comes into my office. The To Do is just behind me. Only I can place things in the To Do box. In addition, when I place items in the To Do, I put a post it note with the specific action on the file or document and put it into the task list on my Outlook with a deadline. The last bin is a to be filed tray (much larger than the others). We have occassional help that comes in to assist with filing and such. Now they know just where to look to see if I have anything to be cleaned up for the files. It has only been a week, but my productivity was much better in that week.

I did not realize that I was using good techniques when I reassessed the work flow. My legal secretary was a bit non-plussed the first time I did not reach to take the document but simply pointed to the In Box. Most time management articles speak about prioritizing, making lists and scheduling. Thank you so much for addressing what might be thought of as the 'feng shui' of work organization. I have never had a meeting make-up that was so helpful and so timely.

Work and Family Balance

Jo Topfer — Thur, 04 Sep 2008 02:23:41 GMT

Originally posted on 2002/06/28

Hi Robyn,

I am very passionate about work/life balance and have dedicated the past seven years of my life to achieving it!!!

You asked the question, 'What does your company do to support the work/family balance, if anything?'

I set the precedent back in 1993 in Coopers & Lybrand (as it was then) by being the first consultant to ever come back part-time after maternity leave (!) My negotiation of that and a promotion when I was eight months pregnant makes for a good yarn.

Seven years later, there is an acceptance of the need to attract part-timers (usually but not only women with kids) although it is still challenging. Certainly, C&L and now Price Waterhouse Coopers has been very good in accepting my need for locally based work and has bent over backwards in not pressuring me to go to whoop whoop. They have paid maternity leave (3 months full-time or 6 months part-time) and are quite willing to supply the necessary hard and software to allow someone to work from home."

How to Listen to Your Body

Mike Cotton — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 05:15:46 GMT

When I was still full time vicar of a parish I got up for church one Sunday morning and developed chest pains which didn't go away. Short story off to hospital suspected heart problems. After many tests - no heart problem. It was stress.

A friend asked how a priest got stress when all they did was take Sunday services and have cups of tea with old ladies!!

They didn't know about 24/7 with counselling, births, marriages, deaths, church groups and the conflicts that are always present in any group of people.

I spent time with a wise old friend who asked to look at my diary and for me to keep a time check on myself by writing out every day exactly what I did and to split it up into 1/4 hour segments. After a month both he and I were horrified at the hours I was doing (80+) and the amount of time I was called to emergencies which completely destroyed any schedules I had planned.

All that was at a cost to my family life and my personal life but my friend had some answers for me.

1. I had to learn to say No and accept that I could not be all things to all people all the time no matter how willing or dedicated I may be.

2. I was to write time in my diary every day for a quite time of planning - usually early morning.

3. I was to diary time for my wife

4. I was to diary time for my kids.

That changed my whole way of working and I believe saved my life. My main support was my wife, my joy my kids and depriving myself of that contact was taking away a source of energy.

So a quiet time developed every morning, I said No and spent time with Lynne and the kids on a regular basis and I'm still here. End of story.